omg i saw alvin ahahahahhahaha omgomgomg damn joke

he looks like what you said a luzzar will look like

and he totally waved to me first ahahaha omgomgomg jokeeeeeeeeeeee

10:58 PM

You just gave me a shock
felt a sudden rush of talking to you
and I was leaning so close to the screen
looking at this beautiful picture
and you sign in with your cute face
*gasps
then *sigh cuz you'll never talk to me

Sick yesterday
for the first time mummy brought me to a doc
without scolding me at all

feels better today
going for church service on saturday I suppose
sigh I'm drained out
too much things to do
yet too little time for me

I'm gonna bake cookies for him
I wonder if he'll eat them
I wonder if he'll like them
I swore i was never gonna bake for guys again after jon
afterall he rlly kicked down all my hopes
that jerk.

I dont even know why I'm doing this for him
I dont even have that much confidence in him
I dont even know him well enough
there's no much "I dont" between me and him

sigh I rlly do miss talking to him

8:58 PM

Good friday was awesome and not
I was rlly touched with the service
but everything was ruined by him

Luckily the church people were so nice
I felt so calm and at peace talking to them
can't wait for my next service soon

Well, I thought I was gonna give up
I cried so hard for him
the third time
I cant even believe it
We're not even entangled

But today, the trip to town with gab
I figured out
Its the last try ever

I'm gonna do something for him
something I thought I will never do again
its such a huge exception
and if it doesn't work
yep I'll learn from it
and go back into my circle
for good

You just don't know how tough
all of these is to me isn't it
You're out there failing yourself
I'm here pinning for you

The kind of nibbling on my heart
when I see you online
but yet I can't reach out to you

That kind of frustration
when I see things that will make me think of you

I'm doped.
I've fell completely for you
when you don't even know of my existence at times

This is so tiring
Can't believe I'm making myself go through all this

11:02 PM

I forgot to take my med again
damn me ):

thanks to gab for bringing me to the doc
though it was a pretty funny scene
a boy and girl in uni going to the clinic
oh well
doc says too much acid

okay gtg updates tonight

10:58 AM

Yesterday was spent at feb's place
trimmed her bangs for her
talktalktalk
left for town

Didnt get to catch WHEN IN ROME
idiot leo
dinner with gab, frolicked at cine

Gab said that loser was in cine too
yeah where else right, on a saturday night
why am I not surprised

The opp of cine opened
I'd die to skate there
but skating now HAHA what a joke
my board will dissolve into thin air
if monsie and the rest ever says they wanna skate again
I hate how I try so hard for them
and they barely try or don't even at all

Im being a bitch
I'm fickle minded.
I shouldnt had stepped out of my circle
NO I shouldnt had allowed gab to do it
He shouldnt had picked his friend either
Sisi and him was wrong in pushing him to me

And he's in the wrong as well
whats up with the rainbows and all
like why talk about me
who the hell do you think you are
to come affect and distract me this way

The term (people around me) refers to mainly gab and sisi
now that I'm upset, I can turn to either
because they'r happy
I cant just go and make them upset as me

I feel way not matured saying all this
I'm being a loser

Saying something even more childish now
which is
FML

I seriously don't know what I want

7:03 PM

Im sure sisi and gab doesnt know
how everytime they quarrel so oftenly
I get hurt.
I end up fixing everything.
Because I need/have to.

And Im so sick and tired of it
I cry for myself.
I fall sick.
I neglect myself.

And because it takes so much of my effort to make them happy
I can't afford to make them upset
I can't tell them when I'm sad
afraid that I might need to take even more energy
to fix them when I already need fixing myself

I feel suffocated.
That I can't find anyone to tell these to.
I can only tell God every night before I sleep.

I just want to cry till I fall asleep without knowing

Yet I can't.
There's a chinese lecture to attend tmr morning
" A1s for O lvl chinese"

I hope feb woulnt cancel my trip to her house
cuz it will most prolly be the fourth or fifth time
she cancels on me last minute
and that leaves me stranded.

Just breathe and Believe
Its the only thing I can do

1:17 AM

I deleted all the old post
Its a whole new start.

I am drained.

I am sick of being there for sisi and bestfr
as in when they quarrel.

I'm too tired, I'm falling sick

And you, you turn out to be a disappointment
I must be one to you as well right

10:27 PM

omg i saw alvin ahahahahhahaha omgomgomg damn joke

he looks like what you said a luzzar will look like

and he totally waved to me first ahahaha omgomgomg jokeeeeeeeeeeee

10:58 PM
throughthehorror